Have you ever kept secrets from your partner? And on the other hand what do you do if you find that your significant other is keeping secrets? Not just the little ones that we all do from time to time, but big ones – like finances, appointments, mail, phone calls, etc? Well, the first question I would suggest you ask is how did a person that secretive became your significant other? Why were you willing to overlook that unwillingness to be open and honest? Remember, when you have serious relationship problems like this, it’s not the other person’s problem!! Yes, it’s their behavior, but the problem is that they’re in your life, you put them there, and that means it’s your problem.
If you don’t figure it out, you’ll do it again. Because it’s a sign that you have a subconscious attraction to people like that. You see, it’s not that you didn’t notice it before, you either ignored it (when he/she sees how wonderful I am they won’t do that any more) or it was actually what attracted you to them.
Whatever you do, don’t try to fix the other person. You can’t, only they can, and usually they don’t want to. You should at least have a discussion about how you feel, calmly, and see how they respond. No demands, just your feelings. Then you’ll know what to do. If you can’t work together, in open and honest communication, saddle up and hit the road.
However, while trust is an essential element of an intimate relationship, it can be easily broken and hard to repair. When your partner withholds important information from you regardless of their reasons, it’s normal to feel betrayed.
People are hurt by lies and grow apart. It’s hard to feel emotionally connected to someone when you catch them in a lie or find out that they’ve kept a secret from you.
Some people believe that they need to keep secrets or lie to survive in their relationship. They lack confidence in their ability to confront unpleasant topics – such as money troubles, or issues related to past or present mistakes. But finding healthy ways to express yourself to your partner is the best way to build a trusting relationship.
When it comes to truth, think about whether you want people to trust you. Do you value integrity and want your words to be reflected in your actions? If you commit to these attributes on a behavioral level, you’ll be better able to gain trust and live your life with honest, open communication.
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