March 15, 2016 Harriet Brookes

Why you should leave him to pay on the first date…

When the check comes, especially on a first date there is a question that comes inside you: “Who is going to pay?”

It’s a tough question because it brings up all sorts of issues on equality, feminism, and independence. The tradition of men paying for a first date seems to have stemmed from a time when few women worked or were able to support themselves, and a man’s offer to buy dinner was not just a sweet gesture of romantic interest, but a necessity and a signal of the financial stability required to support a family.

However, when asked who should pick up the check on a first date, 59% of total respondents said that the man should always pay–unless the woman has asked him out. So, ladies, it’s not bad if you are on the first date and leave him to pay. It’s more romantic and classic. Real gentlemen always pay on the first date…unless you prefer not to date a gentleman. He should be the one to make the first move when the bill comes.


In the olden days, men routinely paid because women, generally speaking, didn’t have the means to do so. But if he offers to pay nowadays, it’s not because he thinks she can’t handle it; and he’s not trying to offend. He’s most likely just doing what feels instinctively appropriate in the moment.

In fact, during your first few dates with him, he should pay and here’s why you should let him:

1.It’s his chance to prove to you that he’s responsible, established and steady. Remember,  first impressions matter. If he doesn’t show you he is a gentleman on the first date, you can be assured he won’t show you on the second or the third date.

2.It will show you whether or not this man has the ability or the desire to provide for you. A first date is a first date—don’t start planning your wedding just because he’s taking you out to dinner. However, I believe that with all relationships, the first impression is usually the most important. If he’s not willing to pay for your dinner, or worse yet, acts like he forgot his wallet, what does that say about his potential to help provide for your family if the relationship were to go any further?

3.Let him pay for the first date and then offer to treat him the very next time you go out. Or, if you’re planning to stay out after dinner, offer to grab a round of drinks or dessert at the next stop. This way you both get to practice your generosity, and it feels a bit more romantic than going halfsies all the time.

4.If he asks you out and it is clear he is interested in dating you then he should pay on the first date. I think we’re all mature enough to realize he won’t always pay for everything but it’s important that he shows you that he can treat you to something nice occasionally and especially as a first impression.

5.No matter how much time has passed and how the sexes have evolved, most men just want to be ‘men’ at certain times which means that it’s actually easier to let them have their moment of feeling pleased with themselves for taking you out on the date and paying, than it is to bruise their ego’s. 😎 




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